Thursday, April 22, 2010

I spit on your appetite

Just like our education system, Bollywood or Hollywood does not prepare you to survive the outside world. For that, one has to move out from the mainstream and go slightly below the ground, into the dark, where, as your teachers would have you believe, lies the forbidden land. Here are a few gems made in this genre, which can make any kind of meal want to come out of the stomach, into the open.
I Spit on your grave:
Don't see this movie. Please! As much as it prepares you for the bad world outside, please don't see this. Certainly not at dinner time. This was made in the 70s when film-makers began to confuse shit for freedom of expression. This is shit. Excreta. Scum. Yuck. Gross. Cinematic faeces.
Like Britney Spears singing a song over and over again for a whole day. Corporation garbage lorries letting out smelly juices on potholed roads is like gajar halwa over vanilla ice-cream in marriages, when compared to ISOYG.
Make Them Die Slowly:
Its divided into two halves like a football match. There ends the pleasantness. First half goes to the urban visitors to the amazon jugle who play around with the local tribals, like, they make multi-speared swings and pierce it straight into these illiterate jungle fellows. The jungle elders do not know if these are just part of the city-dwellers' sense of fun; but when they discover that one-by-one their younger relatives are dying, they take law and the second half into their own hands. Carnage follows, jungle ishtyle. No waiting for Maoists. You pierced our stomachs, we disembowel you and play with your oesophagus, intestines, pancreas and liver. One tribo puts a big spear into a whitey's heart area.
[This is where a cover photograph should have come. But where am I to find an uncensor-worthy one for a film which was "banned in 31 countries". To put this into perspective, it was made when USSR, Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia still existed.]
He drags the spear even as it is embedded somewhere close to the lungs till about his stomach. Now that he has created an opening, his fellow freshers in cannibalism feed sumptously on this lovely meal. Some get oesophagus, some get intestines. This seems to be the new-age mantra in amazon as various ways of devouring human flesh is devised. One guy's top quarter of the head is cut (must admit, quite intricately), and the brain is eaten with great pleasure. Actually, if Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and its ilk are feel-good films, this is a feel-goo film. Go for it if it interests you, but do get an appointment with your local rehabilitation center.

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