Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The future is bright, it is sailing in a balloon

These are tough times at Perpendicular High. Just the flood of wannabes posing as the real deal. Hah! Sorry, if you make a bad movie because you didn't know how to make a good one, you can't apply. RGV has recently done a lot of work towards gaining his entry to this exalted space, but he needs a little more time to find his own here.
I am told by a lot of Chennaivasis that Kandasamy is right up there. At those many crores, it is a colossus of bad cinema, they say. I have to repeat to all my friends who frequent Parry's, PERPENDICULAR FILMS AND BAD FILMS ARE TWO DIFFERENT ENTITIES. And I hate capital letters so don't make me say it again.
Still, I will give Kandasamy a go. Who knows what gems lie where.
There have been widespread rumours (which I somehow stopped from going to the press) that people are disappointed at the lack of regular updates. Well, for the last time using all-caps, WAIT! It is worth it.
In order to appease the dissent though, I have introduced a Twitter function to the right of this text. That can be updated with mini-gems now and then.

Anyway, to shoot up the Happiness-Index of our country, here are some of the upcoming posts on the beloved Perpi:

1. Some new movie posters which haven't been made but which I think should be made.
2. Movie reviews of Police Story or Agni IPS or both.
3. A critical analysis of Plan 9 from Outer Space.
4. A telepathic interview with... surprise!
5. A video of the child taking off in a balloon.
6. 5th point just kidding.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Glen or Glenda - Genda' Benda'

After seeing this film, I thought of how much fun it would be to take two words, and from the second word form another duo of words, and so on. Eg. Life time machine gun slinger malinga bandara tilake... etc. After that I thought, what a film, senor!
The relationship between a man and a woman is what keeps the world running. It is purest in nature and has the ability to charm hearts and please souls. For every problem the world encounters, it is balanced by a union of hearts between a man and a woman. Somewhere far off maybe, but it helps. This relationship is the elixir of life itself. This is how life grows. Thanks to the man and the woman.
Somewhere around the 1950s, Ed Wood was thinking about making a film. He got Bela Lugosi's help and began writing a script. He might even have written the above paragraph before I did. Then he thought about his budget and decided there was no place for a man and a woman. There was only place for him alone as a lead actor and so he pushed the limits of the human condition to, and beyond, its limits. He thought, what if a man is also a woman. And he made Glen or Glenda.
Bela Lugosi plays the part of everyone's grandfather. Maybe he doesn't but he'd do worse than that. He looks over some street in the US and says lines like "Pull the strings, pull the strings". After a while, Glen, who thinks he is Glenda, who does look like a woman, goes window-shopping, and after I use one more comma, I'll end this sentence here.
Basically, the film is so convoluted that you are forced to think, "it's so much like life." More than a review of this film, I have to say how much it has affected me. I now know what lay deep inside my human mind. This movie drilled a hole into that deepest part and went deeper. I found depth. I also saw there is no such thing as infinity. It is just the place where that stuff lives, "in finity". That thing is in fact called... LOVE.
Here are some of the enlightening quotes from the film which have affected my depth of thinking brain wave form ula lala la loo la loo.

"No one can really tell the story. Mistakes are made. But there is no mistaking the thoughts in a man's mind. The story is begun. "

Is the last sentence a correct use of a subjunctive by any chance?
"Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys... Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS... Beware... Take care... Beware!"

"The world is a strange place to live in. All those cars. All going someplace. All carrying humans, which are carrying out their lives."

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

तू त्रिमूर्ति

याद आती है,
तेरी याद आती है,
अंधेरे की पहली ज्योति,
दुनिया को समेटी गठरी,
तू त्रिमूर्ति,
तेरी याद आती है।

पगडण्डी से हटके,
आंखों से छुपके,
उस दूधवाले के सामने,
नाई के पीछे,
तू त्रिमूर्ति,
तेरी याद आती है।

तू ही तो था,
महानता का स्तंभ,
ग्यान का देवता,
अभियांत्रिकी का आरम्भ।
तू त्रिमूर्ति,
तेरी याद आती है।

तू जब न था
दो साल का अवकाश लिए,
किस्मत भी गया तेरे संग,
टाटा और गुड बाय किए।
तू त्रिमूर्ति,
तेरी याद आती है।

बड़ी मन्नतों के बाद,
तू लौटा एक सर्दी की रात में,
हम सब मिलने आए तुझे,
अपने पप्पाओं की कमाई लिए साथ में।

ज़माना बदला था,
मौसम ख़राब था,
फिल्में तो बकवास ही बकवास,
तूने क्या दारु पिया था?

कहाँ गया वो तेरा टॉप १०,
फेस ऑफ़ की गोली, देस्पेरादो का गन,
अब दिखाई तुने सिर्फ़ कूल सर्फेस,
मदमस्त टेरी दिखाती बेशरम तन।

लेकिन तुझमे जान बाकी था
उस पूनम की रात में,
विदाई की सौगात लिए,
तूने जुगाडा आइस वाइड शट था।

अब साल गए, महीने खोये,
फिल्में आए, फिल्में गए,
मल्टीप्लेक्स में गिरे, पोपकोर्न पे रोये,
तेरी बात अलग थी, तू महान था।
तू त्रिमूर्ति।
तेरी याद आती है।
तेरे बाद भी आती है।

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Of Thought Streams

It is said that our earth is full of invisible, intangible packets of deep currents of thought, that vary in shape, size and distance they reach. Some of these thoughts are so strong that they can change the course of visible elements, by transcending the world and re-routing logic.
Don't bother scouring the internet for a corroboration of this theory. There might not be any. Theories are not for Mithun-da. He chews on them daily thrice. We are ordinary men and women, slaves of gravity. Our thought streams are small, affecting hardly anyone. Our thought streams are strands of hair, blowing aimlessly, forgotten even by their creators. Mithun-da is not one of us. He has divine strength, he has a tantrik metabolism about him, the power of One, the power of Him.
In Military Raaj, all this is so visible. He plays, remarkable as it might seem, a military man. He safeguards honesty, duty and has his plans to defeat diabolical catabolism. Aditya Pancholi also plays a part here. He of course was seen as heir apparent (when he had a lot more hair) to Mithun-da. How promising he was while playing a warrior husband to Madhuri in Sailaab. He had almost made it in Awwal Number when the bomb just wouldn't blow the cricket pitch away. Alas!
Talking of pitches, there is a lot of bounce in the thought stream around Pratibha Sinha. As if on anabolic steroids, her books of other bards act mentally insane. It is this blatantly oppressive outward bound show that draws men into B centers in droves. Then the da takes over.
Akin to the old maharajas who surveyed their lands at night to target nefarious activities, Military Mithun-da goes looking for trouble. He finds a guy asking for "paisha, paisha and more paisha" in a gambling den. Da rounds him up and takes him to a cell.
What follows is the magic of the most fertile thought stream. The goons act like they were direct descendants of Hitler's driver and insult da. Patience is a virtue in da, yes, but impatience is his strength. He decides that it is time for some good ol' ultraviolence and disrobes the military cap off his cabeza (head, in Spanish). But mademoiselle, where does he hang it? Cells don't come with nails to hang your van Gogh and Picasso, do they? Not in these times, no.
So da sends one of his thought streams to find Fleming's right-hand rule. It comes back and this conversation follows:
Thought Stream: Da, Fleming's right-hand rule says that as long as your middle finger faces the camera, and you rotate your index finger clockwise, an electromagnetic flux drives it straight through barriers .
Da: You sure that wasn't the left-hand rule.
TS: Dunno, da. I couldn't confirm it as no one was there.
Da: You should have asked Flemmo himself.
TS: He's retired. Danny is in his place.
Da: Tuck if.

And da nonchalantly applies the right-hand rule. He bores a hole into the wall. Plugs his Reynolds into the hole. Hangs his cap onto it. Hammers the villain. Bravo.